What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
40s are totally the cure
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
