would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
