Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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