He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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