a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
