you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
