More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
