I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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