census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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