Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
