Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
