So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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