I just cut my nipple shaving
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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