he wants to bone in the snuggie
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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