Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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