I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
