I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We need to rekindle our bromance
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
