I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
