dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
