We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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