just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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