I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
