...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
