Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
