Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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