sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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