Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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