I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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