Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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