I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
