NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
