holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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