He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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