she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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