Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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