last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
