GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
