is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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