I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
