I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Randomize
