Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
