Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
