so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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