hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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