i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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