if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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