I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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