Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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