guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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