Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
