just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
