if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
