she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
