The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
