dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
